I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
