Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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