I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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