i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
