Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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