his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My dick has a subreddit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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