xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
