Screwed.edu
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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