why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
