One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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