saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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