I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
