i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
