I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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