Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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