his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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