im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
