By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
