I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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