I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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