It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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