I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
