My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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