I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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