If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
