I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
