im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
