Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
