Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
4 words: hood of his car
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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