Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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