Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
