I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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