life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My feet surprised me
Randomize
