I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
