This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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