I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
