I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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