you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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