So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Bring me that man meat
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
