I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
