I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
God I need to hump something, right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
