I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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