My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
