I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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