Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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