'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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