I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
