I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
