Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
