dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
