My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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