The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
