apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
