i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
