I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
