My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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