either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
