i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
