Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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