People in love make me want to vomit
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
