I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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