Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
