I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
