I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
