not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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