i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
