Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
