You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
