Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My feet surprised me
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