i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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