I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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