All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You need a sexual gate keeper
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
