I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
